Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps

Donna needs a man so her mum won't think she's repellent to the opposite sex. Janet wants to help, but discovers that matchmaking can seriously damage your boyfriend.

Jonny tries to be horrible to Janet and fails miserably. Donna is after as much sex with as little commitment as possible. Flo, however, has other plans, and Louise discovers that dieting can damage the buttocks.

Gaz finds Donna's toothbrush in his flat and realises he has to stop her merging, and Janet's plan to make Jonny fancy her backfires.

Janet is keen to improve her mind, but realises that neither poetry nor biscuits are the answer. Meanwhile, Gaz is desperate to feel attractive, and thinks that the best way to accomplish this is to flash his rather underdeveloped chest.

Johnny falls for Janet's friend Louise, until his obsession is cured in a revolting manner, Janet decides to become a stand-up comedian, and Gaz attempts to manipulate Donna.

Johnny wants some excitement in his life, and when Janet reveals some remarkable news, he gets rather more than he bargained for. Gaz and Donna have a communication problem - she wants to talk and he wants sex.