Simon Doonan now living in New York, remembers his extraordinary childhood growing up in Reading during the 90s where glamour was in short supply and his extended family were far from the beautiful people he and his best friend Kyle, known as Kylie, longed to move amongst.

Simon Doonan now living in New York, remembers the time auditioning for the school play led to his mother being arrested for assault and the re-enactment of a famous horror film which can only mean showtunes and gypsy skirts.

Simon remembers his mother's experiments with the occult and his grandmother's return from a mental hospital, which saw her change rather radically from the nicest granny in the world.

Spice-mania has the nation in its grip. Simon and Kylie can't get enough of it, Reba is tottering about in a Ginger Spice dress and Mummy has a Union Jack bandana. Only Aunty Hayley remains oblivious as her life revolves around a new talking watch and The Drop-In Centre's Braille Bingo night.

Simon remembers the time when an overweight guide dog and two deaths dominated his young life. Meanwhile, Kylie covets a 'dusky Diana' hair colour while Simon wants Tameka's golden hair tongs.

A new teacher arrives at school who really may be one of the Beautiful People. Can this really be true? Simon and Kylie finally try to leave Reading for ultra glamorous London. In New York older Simon gets homesick.