Fairy Tale Police Department

Gepetto reported breaking an entering and an apparent kidnapping of his ‘son’ – a block of wood. Investigated scene of crime – got eye witness report from a piece of magic wood resembling a hand found at scene. Signs of struggle include a sticky sap trail to the window – may indicate that victim fled the scene. Bits of straw and a brick found lying near the window. Straw, wood, and brick – could implicate the Three Little Pigs. Suspects may be interested in magical property of the wood. Note: Magic hand has been most helpful in pointing us in the right direction.

Princess reported that her beloved – a frog, apparently – has gone missing. Last seen in Princess’s boudoir, where Princess refused to kiss him. Frog allegedly left voluntarily and hasn’t been seen since. Possible scenarios: frog depressed at stagnating relationship and did something rash; playing hard to get; kidnapped by republicans, or large bird. Starting point for search to be Royal swamp, as nearest natural habitat of missing frog.

Poisoned apple switched for normal one. Consequently, Snow White remains conscious and won’t be able to be revived from sleep by kiss from handsome Prince. Poisoned apple must be found and fed to Snow White immediately. For once, Evil Queen not a suspect because she wants ‘fairest of them all’ to become ‘most unconscious of them all’. Prime suspects: dwarves. Possible motive: to keep Snow White as their domestic servant.

Sleeping Beauty overdue to be awoken by kiss from handsome Prince. No sign of Prince – handsome or otherwise. Prince later found and, under interrogation, confesses to not kissing Sleeping Beauty because she was, quote: “ghastly” unquote, and that he’d rather kiss the ugly duckling. Handsome-but-shallow Prince claims he was shown picture of the allegedly homely Sleeping Beauty by an unidentified cloaked person. Sleeping Beauty’s Wicked Fairy Godmother would seem to be prime suspect – if Beauty not kissed, the sleeping spell lasts to eternity – but Evil Godmother reputed to have reformed. Note: Wanda is Beauty’s Good Fairy Godmother – may be able to authenticate picture

Little Pigs’ house of bricks mysteriously collapsed, putting third little pig in hospital. Foul play suspected. Neighbours report hearing heated arguments between the three pigs over building methods. Big Bad Wolf also seen in area, huffing and puffing in a public place without a licence. Culprit must be found and brick house rebuilt before the Wolf finishes blowing over the straw and stick houses and the pigs have nowhere to go.

King hired tailors to make ‘magical’ clothes – supposedly invisible to fools and incompetents. Background check reveals that alleged tailors, Hans and Rudy, are not genuine tailors at all and have extensive police records as confidence- tricksters, charlatans and scam artists. So far so good – fairy tale seems to be on track. However, King was reported missing this morning. Witnesses reported last seeing him in the company of Hans and Rudy, who allege King ‘gave them his kingdom’ in a legal document written on same invisible cloth from which magic clothes were made. Have been unable to obtain sample of magic cloth for forensic testing – too invisible. Must find King and ensure that parade proceeds on schedule with the King in his magical clothes.