It’s the tenth anniversary of Patricia and Raymond’s relationship. She thinks he’s got her a present, but actually he’s preparing to celebrate the Queen’s official birthday. Meanwhile, Grim is attempting to police shadowy alleyways of the information super highway. Unfortunately he can’t work out how to turn on his computer.

Habib has gone all stupid over a handsome fireman and Goody has gone green (although that might just be his consumption of Mars Bars). Grims is onto the case of his career which can be summed up in two syllables, ‘terror’ and ‘ism’. Fowler is being plagued by an insane hoaxer who claims recently to have had morning coffee with Lord Lucan.

Grim needs a woman. He is planning a honey trap. He wants Habib to dress up in her finest mini skirt and boob tube and ensnare Terry the Tank in her sexual web. Meanwhile the pub quiz final is approaching. Fowler believes Gasforth Station can win, but Habib is his star brain and Terry the Tank drinks in the pub where the final is being held. Who can replace Habib? Gladstone or Goody? And what would they look like in a boob tube?

The local students are doing wacky stunts for charity, the charity being that no one gives them a punch in the mouth. Fowler and Patricia are both held up at the bank. Fortunately for Fowler he is only held up by a man with a huge pile of change and a numeracy problem. Patricia’s situation is rather more serious. Grim is on the phone to the Home Office, Kary is on the phone to the kebab shop. Complications ensue.

Teenage yobboes and juvenile delinquents crowd the station.Patricia cannot wait to get away from these disgusting kids. Unfortunately, Fowler’s teenage son is visiting from his mother’s. Meanwhile, Grim is at Scotland Yard. Fowler is not jealous, he just thinks that if anyone from Gasforth is going to be a confidant to the Yard, it damn well ought to be him.

A baby is dumped at the station. Patricia goes all broody, prompting Fowler to point out that there is no place in the Queen’s uniform for undisciplined hormones. Habib is harassed by fascists. She can look after herself but unfortunately Goody tries to do it for her. Fowler is planning a camping trip for young offenders, Grim is planning to give them a short sharp shock. The two are, of course, not mutually exclusive.