Between a dad managing a Fourth Division football club and friends ditching him for being camp, Alan wants to change. He must decide whether he wants to go against his instincts and become a footballer or lose his friends.

Christine is desperate for Graham to take her on a night out; at school, Alan struggles to hide who his father is from the bullies, and with the dread of communal showers looming, it is not just his father's identity he wants to keep under wraps.

Graham's woes extend off the pitch; Alan gets the acting bug, but Christine is worried when he comes home from school with a black eye.

A brilliant but troubled striker gives the Cobblers a lifeline; keen birdwatcher Alan becomes eagle-eyed at news of a pelican on the loose; Sue's erotically charged book club gets a little bit out of hand.

Alan decides to pull a sickie on BCG day. With Christine otherwise disposed, a begrudging Graham has to play nursemaid. With weak tea on the menu and sports-heavy conversation, Alan tries to make his acting skills last the whole day.

The Cobblers make it to the quarterfinals of the Milk Cup; Alan gets a part in the school play; Angela's marriage takes a nose dive.