Quiet unassuming cafe owner Rene Artois is perfectly happy to pander to the whims of the occupying German forces and wait out the war without any fuss. Unfortunately for him, the French Resistance has other ideas. With the German Army in residence at the bar and a priceless painting sought by the Gestapo in the cellar, it's going to be a long war.

Herr Flick of the Gestapo begins to investigate the disappearance of a valuable painting, The Fallen Madonna. Meanwhile, Rene is still faced with the problem of getting two British airmen on the escape route to England.

The British airmen leave Rene's cafe disguised in the uniforms of Colonel von Strom and Captain Goering. However it's not long before they are captured by the Communist Resistance. Meanwhile, Herr Flick and Helga disguise themselves as onion sellers in order to infiltrate the resistance.

Colonel von Strom and Captain Goering are still waiting on tailors in London to sew them new uniforms. Helga informs them that General Erich von Klinkerhoffen is due to arrive the next day, forcing the Germans to participate in Resistance activity to hasten the return of their uniforms.

After the plan to blow up the railway is foiled, Rene is captured by General von Klinkerhoffen and faces execution by firing squad.

Rene, thinly disguised as his own twin brother, is faced with arranging his own funeral. Meanwhile, Herr Flick insists that Rene's funeral be attended by his senior officers to seek out members of the Resistence.