Duncan is a spectacularly average 15-year old boy. His mother, Annie, lives in fear that her son is one bad decision from ruining his life and will do anything to stop him. His father, Jack, wants to be a better dad than his father. Rounding out the family are sisters Kimberly and Jing. Helping Duncan are his friends, Bex, Yangzi, Wolf, and Duncan’s crush, Mia.

Duncan’s friends replace him with Kimberly in their online video game tournament, so he joins the opposition to betray them and humiliate Kimberly. Meanwhile, Annie tries to force Jack to throw out all his old memorabilia cluttering the garage.

In hopes of getting a promotion, Annie tries to fill her parking ticket quota for the month. But when she finds a dead body in an illegally parked car, the "real" police quickly cut her out. She then ropes Duncan into her own investigation: tracking down a criminal selling counterfeit goods to school kids. Meanwhile, Jack tries to be a cool dad, but just ends up making Kimberly and Jing violently ill.

The town celebrates its annual Witch Day, which involves pronouncing a mortified Duncan the “town virgin” for the big ceremony, but he protests the celebration to impress Mia, who finds it sexist and barbaric. Meanwhile, Annie and Jack steal a dead woman’s chili recipe to try and win the celebration’s chili cook-off.

When the family gets a new smart fridge that turns out to be too smart for Annie's liking, she feels replaced. Jack and the kids see no harm in the fridge's increasing invasions of their privacy, until they realize that the appliance company that sold them the refrigerator has questionable motives.

To celebrate their anniversary, Jack and Annie rekindle the passion of their youth by visiting a 1980s-themed club, before realizing that their maturity might not be that boring after all. Meanwhile, Jing makes Duncan “marry her,” but their make-believe quickly becomes complicated by real marital problems. Also, Kimberly feels ignored and acts out for attention.