How did raising kids ever get so bloody complicated? The introduction to the series looks at how completely do-lally the business of raising children has become. This episode not only tells parents the real truth about raising kids, but it also explodes some of the myths about parenthood, willfully exposes over one hundred children to the possibility of serious eye injury, and shows a preschool where, against all odds, common sense is making a brave stand against the usual gibbering nonsense.

The stuff that is the foundation of most parental mental breakdowns. This episode covers off the basics of raising kids without all the hoop-lah. Not only will Nigel reveal what we can all learn from cannibals, but viewers will also see the SAS sleep technique, and the fundamentals of getting your precious little one to deposit his/her wee logs in the loo rather than their best trousers. What’s more, the strange weirdness that is ‘the breast pump’ will also be exposed in all it’s hideous, freakish glory.

We all lie to our children, that’s a given. Most of the lies are harmless, but since the PC brigade took over, some of them have become downright damaging. To help us examine the effect of these lies, Nigel consults an authority on children - Walnut the Clown, and in the process finds out where the most dangerous children’s parties are. Speaking of danger; we’ll also look at the modern tendency to remove any form of risk from children’s lives, and then visit a school where they actively encourage risk. Also, if you tell your kids they’ll lose an eye if they play with sticks you may just want to pay particularly close attention to this episode.

Good behaviour doesn’t happen by accident, it takes a bit of work. Not a lot, but a bit. In this episode we’ll see how the simple deletion of one word from the dictionary has almost bought about the end of the Western world – well not really, but it has meant a lot more naughty boys and girls. Walnut the Clown returns to add his two cents worth on the matter of kids behaving badly – and he should know. Nigel takes a look at the much touted (and much overrated) ‘thinking chair’ and then shows us what hardware stores can do to help parents use Time Out more effectively. Most importantly Nigel will also demonstrate his “Ladder of Certain Doom” which is so effective that children now send him hate poetry.

Children’s heads may be little, but don’t be fooled because there’s still a lot going on in there. OK, so we all know that kids’ brains are developing away like tiny little slum dwellings with new bits sprouting out all over the place - the downside of everyone knowing this is that now we all worry that if we don’t stimulate them constantly or effectively enough, then they’ll end up stupid. But will they? In this episode Nigel looks at what’s really going on, what we should do about it, explains why kids’ temperaments are like cars and tells a cautionary tale about giving your child an odd name.

In this episode Nigel cover’s off some of the bigger principles that parents need to remember if they want to raise decent kids and not go crazy in the process. It is possible, but there are some things it’s helpful to know. To do this we’ll cover ground as diverse as tiny piranhas, the need for adequate fencing, planet stupid, and importance of the mute button on the television remote control. All that and how to deal with playground psychopaths. Plus since it’s the last episode, we conclude with a small piece of advice that will ensure you will never have any problems with children, ever.