Pilloried by the public after appearing in a controversial West End play, actor Steven Toast is recently-divorced and living with his friend Ed Howzer-Black and Ed's elderly mistress Goodhouse, an agoraphobic who has not left the house in two years for fear of a local flasher.

Actor Steven Toast is informed by agent Jane Plough that Braz magazine has awarded him a Best Actor award. As a result, he is interviewed by journalist Susan Random, to whom he is attracted, despite her being an alcoholic and extreme hoarder.

After yet another appalling review Steven rehearses for a new play but encounters a double obstacle. One is the presence of the vengeful Ray Purchase as co-star, the other the fact that the director, Acker Herron, is a lunatic who kills actors who will not obey him.

Caught in the middle of an acrimonious and expensive divorce, Toast needs to find a lot of cash, fast. Given two potential solutions, a starring role in a new feature film being made by a rich Arab billionaire or a laxative ad, he plumps for the former, despite the protestations of his agent.

Toast’s new girlfriend, the aristocratic Portia de Coogan, thinks it’s about time Toast met her father Lord Fotheringham. Professionally, some voice-over work for the Royal Navy leads to a terrifying visit to the launch of their latest submarine – The Penetrator.

Toast is tired of doing crummy voiceovers and appearing in his terrible play every night. With the help of a new agent, he tries his hand at a new career. He also finds himself a glamorous new lady friend who would be perfect if she didn't have her deaf, dumb, and blind aunt constantly in tow.