Marcus encounters some fit Britons in the courtyard; Stylax discovers a flyer promoting an orgy; Grumio must save what he can since he has used his grocery money on orgy tickets.

Cynthia's new, charismatic gladiator boyfriend Cassius impresses everyone except for Marcus, who wants their relationship to fail as soon as possible; Stylax plays a prank on Aurelius, but it goes a bit too far.

Stylax gives Grumio an erotic vase for his birthday, but it features a figure who bears a strong resemblance to someone nearby; Marcus yields to pressure from the girls and they swap roles for the day.

Marcus attempts to impress Cynthia by becoming close to a stray cat; Stylax goes to a sexual health clinic and becomes smitten with Nurse Beatrix.

The boys encounter an attractive Thracian woman named Irina and an exotic yellow fruit as a result of mass immigration from Thrace; Marcus has an awkward meeting with an old war veteran.

Marcus hopes the Roman festival of Saturnalia will help his chances with Cynthia; Grumio tries to take as much sacrificial meat from the celebrations as possible.